General Appearance:
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Also Brown
Skin color: Green
Height: 5'1" AND A HALF. Don't take away my half inch
Weight: 125 You Can't Ask a Lady That
Ethnicity: Probably a Zombie
Observations:
- Day 1: Patient appears subdued. Tried to bite when cornered for blood test but was easily calmed down by the Harry Potter movies (any of them will do).
- Day 6: Patient keeps chasing doctors to try and get them to cuddle. She demands to be the little spoon.
- Day 13: Patient refuses to speak English and has reverted to Spanish and Sarcasm. Patient will not switch back until given some lettuce to munch on.
- Day 23: Patient has spent all day listening to paintings while sitting under her electric blanket. She may or may not share this electric blanket with others. Further testing required.
- Day 37: Patient will NOT share electric blanket. No further testing needed. We also need a new lab assistant.
- Day 53: Patient is prone to dropping valuable, fragile objects like her phone or that really nice bowl because she forgets she’s holding something.
- Day 66: Patient will not get off couch. Keeps repeating: "Just one more episode. I promise." Unsure if signs of delusion or common teenage behavior. Further testing required.
- Day 77: Patient has a heart? Tests inconclusive.
- Day 89: Patient is definitely a zombie. We also need another new lab assistant.
- Day 120: Patient is driving doctors crazy with terrible puns she claims are "hilariously punny."
*WARNINGS!:
- If attempting to bribe patient with food use soggy cereal or cranberries at your own risk. We also need another new lab assistant.
- Patient will break into spontaneous song and dance (usually classic rock).
- Patient is not good at said singing or dancing
- Patient will stop to hiss at any picture of Dolores Umbridge
- DO NOT GIVE PATIENT ANY COFFEE. We also need another new lab assistant.
- Patient is easily riled into making bad decisions like accepting the challenge of reading all of the Game of Thrones books in 7 days
- Patient will put hot sauce ON. EVERYTHING.
- Patient has no hope of understanding what "business casual" means