You just died! Congratulations! You have managed to survive thus far in the apocalypse but your need for a Chipotle quesarrito left you defenseless against that zombie.
Death is here to collect your soul and move you into the aferlife.
*"Sorry, kiddo. Looks like you were down on your luck today."*
(set: $inv to (a:))
[[Run away and hope Death doesn't catch you]]
[[Try and convince Death you deserve a second chance]]
[[Accept your fate and transcend into the next astral plane]]
(if: $inv's length > 0)[Your inventory contains a (print: $inv.join(", ")).]
(else:)[Your inventory is empty.]
(link-goto: "Return", (history:)'s last) (if: (passage:)'s name is "inventory")[<!--Do nothing-->]
(else-if: (passage:)'s tags contains "noinv")[<!--Do nothing-->]
(else:)[Check [[inventory]].]"H-hey! Come back! Jake!"
You can hear her cries getting weaker as you run away from her. Phew. Looks like you managed to escape to...where exactly? Well, it looks like the center of town.
[[>> -> Main page]] "W-wait!"
Death pauses just as her hand it abuout to touch you.
"Hmm? What is it?"
"I...I w-want a second chance at life! I need to get my body back!"
"And why's that, Jake?" Death asks as she tilts her head.
[[I have goals I still have to accomplish!]]
[[Take pity on me! All I wanted was a simple burrito]]
Are you sure you want to end your journey for the rest of eternity? No takesies backsies, you know.
(Hint, hint: Dying is boring, I would know).
[[Run away -> Main page]]
[[Nah, I'm good. I want to give up ->Okay]]
Deliberating has taken you too much time and now Death is bored and late to her next appointment.
"Whatever. I'm already late. I'll come back for you later, how about that?"
[[>> -> Main page]] You are now a ghost and your body is a mindless zombie. Your goal is to get your body back (piece by piece if need be) by exploring the town. You can check your inventory by clicking the "Check inventory" button.
Where shall you go then?
[[Zoo]]
[[Unknown Territory]]
[[High School]]
(if: $inv contains "Brain")[
(if: $inv contains "Body")[
(if: $inv contains "Head")[
[[Try and merge with body]]
]
]
]"Ugh, you're one of those 'I have a noble cause, I am worthier than thou' junkies aren't you?"
You're not sure if you should [[cry out in indignation]] or let her continue."A burrito? Well, I can't fault you there, Jake. Chipotle is my one and only love if I'm being honest"
You don't know whether to laugh hysterically at the thought of Death stopping for a midnight Chipotle run in the middle of collecting souls or if you should just cry because well I mean you just *died*, like actually died and damnit you're allowed to cry.
Death snaps you out of your internal monologue.
"Alright, I'll give you a chance. You're a little weird but that's fine."
[[I AM NOT WEIRD ->Educate her on the intricacies of Chipotle and why you weren't just *eating a burrito*]]
[[Alright, thanks. -> Main page]] "That's not what I'm like at all!"
"No??" She leers at you, "You sure about that?"
"I risked my life for a fricking burrito for God's sake," you retort.
"Well that's true enough," Death giggles. "Alright, Jake, looks like you've got yourself another chance. Maybe you'll even get to eat tht burrito eventually."
[[Educate her on the intricacies of Chipotle and why you weren't just *eating a burrito*]]
[[Go wander the town -> Main page]] It looks pretty decripit and abandoned. You remember coming to the zoo with your parents about a year ago, before the world went to hell and zombies started roaming the streets. The aquarium had finally gotten a new dolphin...Flipper was his name, ri-
Oh, OH GOD. That's definitely a lion. A lion not in it's enclosure. I would suggest you figure out a way to get out of this mess because I don't think those teeth and you are going to mix well.
[[Hide behind popcorn stand]]
[[Run away from the pointy teeth -> Main page]]
[[Fight back]]*This is just cruel. The one benefit of the zombie apocalypse was that I didn't have to go to school and here I am again. It looks like the stadium lights are on, how is there even electricity here?*
[[Go to door with Chess Club written on it]]
[[Go to supply closet]]
[[Go to stadium]]Looks like a deserted street. Except, what is that spot in the-oh that's moving really quickly. Like really quickly. Oh my god it's a monster truck! Oh wow, that guy is scaaary.
"MY NAME IS JAX THE ZOMBIE HUNTER AND YOU ARE IN MY TERRIORY. THIS IS MY DOG MAX AND ZOMBIES ARE FLOCK TOWRDS HIM BECAUSE HE IS A BLOODHOUND (hehe)"
You look bewildered as you look at whatever is happening in front of you.
"YOU ARE NOT ALIVE AND FOR THAT I MUST GET RID OF YOU."
(if: $inv contains "Football")[
[[Give Jax the football for Max]]
]
[[Try to convince Jax to not kill you]]
Well now what?
[[Throw popcorn at the lions]]
[[Throw popcorn *cart* at the lions]]
*Feed the lions popcorn and they will become your friends. (They will come to rescue you later on and will scare off the monkeys)
*Throw cart at them and they will run away and you will be free to explore the zoo.
Well you don't have a body so the lions can't exactly harm you since they pass thorugh your body.
*Can I even feel anything? I thought feelings came from nerve endings, do ghosts have nervous systems? Do we have systems? Do I ghost pee? How can I pick things up but also be passed through? Is it a mental thing? Do I even have a brain?*
You are having an existential, or well, post-existential crisis. But anyways, it looks like the lions will leave you alone.
[[Go to jungle enclosure]]
[[Go to lion enclosure]]
[[Go back to main square -> Main page]]
Oh, oh wow. I can't believe that actually worked. The lions are actually really happy to be eating popcorn.
*Ha, I knew they'd like it* you think triumphantly.
You have earned yourself some lion friends!
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Lion friends"))
You should probably keep wandering now that the lions are busy eating the popcorn you spilled...threw, you get my point.
[[Go to jungle enclosure]]
[[Go to lion enclosure]]
The lions run away, startled by the loud clanging of the popcorn cart.
[[Go to jungle enclosure]]
[[Go to lion enclosure]]
[[Go back to main square -> Main page]] Woah. This looks like an actual rainforest.
[[Look at anaconda]]
[[Look at monkeys]]
[[Look at toucan]]Looks pretty desolate and empty...probably since the lions are eating the popcorn...there does appear to be some kind of me-oh no, that is not meat. That is disgusting.
[[Pick up weird looking not-meat looking meat]]
[[Go to jungle enclosure]]
[[Check out where the lions used to be ->Go to lion enclosure]]
[[Maybe I should go check the jungle enclosure ->Go to jungle enclosure]]
[[I should leave the zoo now -> Main page]]
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Meat chunks (?)"))
You have added mysterious looking meat chunks to your inventory!
[[Zoo Main]]The anaconda is just sleeping...*Awww, look at those cute littl-*"HEY. THAT'S MY HEAD YOU ARE PLAYING MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE WITH"
The monkeys seem to be laughing at you.
[[Rush towards the monkey closest to you]]
[[ Rush towards the other monkey]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]The toucan appears to be engrossed in watching the monkeys play
Monkey One just threw your head over your head to the other monkey. Have you never played monkey in the middle before? Do you even have a strategy?
[[Wait until Monkey Two throws the ball and then jump up]]
[[Rush towards Monkey Two]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]The monkeys drop your head as the meat hits them. They are about to retaliate when the anaconda sneaks up behind them and eats them both. Guess the quesitonable meat chunks were actually meat.
You start to wonder as you walk over to your head, *Isn't it weird that the anaconda only chose now to eat the moneys? Why not earlier? Wh-*
Nope. That is not your problem Jake. Don't think about it too hard.
[[Pick up head]]
Monkey two doesn't seem to be throwing your head.
[[Keep waiting]]
[[Rush towards Monkey Two]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]Monkey Two throws your head over your head to Monkey One. Seriously, are you not understanding how this game works? Fine, I'll help you out here.
[[Wait until Monkey One throws your head and then jump up]]
[[Rush towards Monkey One -> Rush towards the other monkey]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]][[Still waiting]]Monkey One just threw your head over your head to the other monkey.You are so terrible at this. It's a children's game for crying out loud!
[[Wait until Monkey Two throws the ball and then jump up]]
[[Rush towards Monkey Two]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]The monkey doesn't seem to be throwing your head.
[[Keep waiting]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]The monkeys are getting antsy and he throws the head, arching it above you.
*This is my chance!* You think as you bend your knees to jump. But you don't take into account the fact that you are now a weightless ghost and you don't have legs and thus no knees to bend and so instead, your head lands next to the anaconda...who proceeds to eat it.
[[Run to anaconda]]Monkey Two just threw your head over your head to the other monkey. Have you never played monkey in the middle before? Do you even have a strategy?
[[Wait until Monkey One throws the ball and then jump up]]
[[Rush towards Monkey One]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]The monkey doesn't seem to be throwing your head.
[[Keep waiting]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks at the monkeys]]*OH MY GOD MY HEAD IS BEING DIGESTED*
Yes, yes it is Jake.
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw meat chunks at the anaconda]]
(else:) [Maybe if you had some other kind of food to give to offer to the snake it would leave your head alone.
[[Zoo Main]]
](set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Head"))
Congrats!! You've gotten your head back. Looks like your DEADication paid off.
[[Head back to the main square -> Main page]] "GIVE ME BACK MY HEAD YOU LIMP, SCALE NOODLE!" You roar as you chuck the brownish looking meat shaped chunks at the anaconda.
The anaconda lets go of your head and eats the meat.
[[Pick up head]]
[[Keep throwing mysterious meat at the anaconda]](set: $inv to $inv - (a: "Meat chunks (?)"))
The anaconda *DOES NOT* appreciate having this weird sloppy think thrown at it. It decides to go back to your head and devours and digests it whole.
"Well fuck."
Looks like you lost your head, Jake, literally. You can't quite get your body back now so looks like it's the end of the road for you. You live out the rest of eternity with a boring existence wandering the town trying to find a dog to pet or something.
[END]"HOLD UP. I was not just making a burrito. I was making a quesarrito. It is a quesadilla used in place of a burrito's regular tortilla. I am not weird, this is a *serious matter*."
Death looks confused and lost, "What? what are you-"
You continue on your rant, "You are probably one of those people that thinks that Alaskan Malamutes and Huskies are the same dog breed"
"I don't see what dogs have to do with anything, Jake," Death says looking tired of the conversation that seems to be going nowhere.
"I am a DOG person, okay? It's just important for people to understand the different breeds of dogs. I mean you would never confuse a Corgi with a Dalmation, that would be dumb. And you can't confuse simple burritos with ques-"
Looks like the left Jake. You bored Death to death. Congrats.
[[>> -> Main page]] *Why are the lights so br-*. You stop mid thought as you realize you have made a grave mistake. All across the field there is a horde of zombie jocks and cheerleaders that seem to playing a form of slow-motion football (sorry, zombies don't move very quickly). even while playing, they don't look very *lively* (get it? because they're dead). They aren't very fast but they notice you and you soon have a horde of zombies approaching you.
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "High School Zombie Horde"))
You have gained a zombie high school horde that is after you!
[[Hide in supply closet ->Go to supply closet]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks from the zoo at the horde]]
[[Stand up to them because these were the assholes that used to be assholes in high school]]Looks like the door is locked.
(if: $inv contains "Keys")
[[Use keys to unlock door]]Looks like it's a dark, moldy supply closet. There doesn't seem like there's much there just a couple of rolls of toilet paper, some life savers, a se-ZOMBIE JANITOR.
"HYEEEEEEEAH," you shriek (in a very manly manner) as you jump back and away from the potentially dangerous zombie.
"mmrrmghgh," the zombie janitor groans as he continues to stand there mopping the same spot on the ground, his keys jingling.
[[Reach around him and grab the toilet paper and life savers]]
[[Take keys from janitor]]
[[Leave closet ->High School Main]] (set: $inv to $inv - (a: "Meat chunks (?)"))
You use up the rest of the mystery meat to get them off your back. The chunks hit the jocks and cheerleaders and they start to fight one another over the meat, letting you make your escape.
(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "High School Zombie Horde"))
[[Go around zombie horde and explore football field]]
[[Go back inside ->High School Main]] "Hey! Hey, you guys!"
The zombie horde appears to stop for a moment. You gear up for your speech, hoping to stop them.
"I know that we used to have our differences back in high school and you really were downright jerks. But I'm willing to put the past rest in peace because this is the apocalypse, the zombie apocalypse and even though you guys are dea-WHAT ARE YOU DOING. I am trying to mend birdges here! MAKING AN EFFORT!"
OUCH, that bites. The zombie horde continues to approach you. What did you expect? A change of heart? They are dead after all. But you are a ghost so why are you here again?
[[Fly through zombie horde and explore football field]]
(if: $inv contains "Meat chunks (?)")
[[Throw mysterious meat chunks from the zoo at the horde]]
[[Go back inside ->High School Main]] Looks like there is a football and a pompom you can pick up.
[[Pick up]]
[[Leave them there ->High School Main]] *Gross. High school.*
[[Go to stadium]]
[[Go to door with Chess Club written on it]]
[[Go to supply closet]](set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Fabulous pom Pom"))
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Football"))
You have added fabulous pom pom and football to your inventory!
[[High School Main]] (set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Life Savers"))
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Toilet Paper"))
You have added life savers (a zombie's least favorite candy) and toiet paper to your inventory!
[[Take keys from janitor]]
[[Go back to school hallway ->High School Main]] "Mrgrhhgg,' the janitor jerks away from you and keeps mopping. He doesn't seem to be willing to give you his keys. Honestly, he's a *dead* ringer for the old man you used to garden for.
*It IS Mr. Mahone*
"Hey Mr. Mahone! It's me, Jake! How are you?"
"mmrgrrgg"
"Uhm alright, so can I have those keys?"
"MRGHRGGR," he groans loudly slapping a shelf as his arm flails and losing it in the process. He then continues mopping.
[[Try to convince Mr. Mahone to give you the keys]]
[[Slowly back out of the room ->High School Main]]
*What the hell do I do? I wasn't good at tlaking to adults when I was alive, much less when I'm dead. Alright, breathe Jake, you have to have the GUTS (get it, because you don't have guts) to talk to him*
"Uh-Mr. Mahone..I-uh...Arasjdfls?" You groan in an attempt to communicate.
Mr. Mahone stops mopping and turns to you. "Mrhgrhhrhss"
[[Answer "Mrrgrggg"]]
[[Answer "Arrgfgrr"]]
[[He is literally dead. Walk away now and cut your losses ->High School Main]]
Mr. Mahone happily groans, "Mrggrgrhh" and gives you the keys. Congrats! You have added keys to your inventory now!
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Keys"))
[[Continue exploring the supply closet ->Go to supply closet]]
[[Leave the supply closet ->High School Main]] "MRGGGRRHHHR," Mr. Mahone groans angrily. He leaves the room and locks you in. You must have said something quite offensive.
Looks like you're stuck in a supply closet for the rest of eternity.
*But...I thought I could wallk through obj*
No, Jake, you can't. Accept the consequences of your actions. You offended poor, dead Mr. Mahone. You have to respect the DEADerly. How insensitive of you to not even learn to speak zombie before coming in and disrupting all these zombie's lives. You spend the rest of your days staring at life savers that do not do as advertised and save your life.
[END]Double-click this passage to edit it.You walk in and you are surrounded by undead chess players. They all swivel their undead heads to look at you.
"Mrgghg?"
At the back of the room your body is playing chess against one of the zombies. There is a sign that says you can only advance through the room by playing chess.
[[Sit down for a game of chess]]
[[Fight your way to your body]]
*Here goes nothing* you think as you start moving the pieces.
[2 hours later]
Hmm...You're not very good, you know?
*I don't know how to play! I've just been moving the pieces around.*
Well...
[[Cheat at the game by getting help from yours truly]]
[[Keep moving pieces around]]
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Keys"))
You got your arms back!
[[High School Main]] The chess club is angered by the breaking of their rules and starts groaning and bemoaning at you. They start crowding around you, it's like everyone has lost their minds!
"I'm sorry!" You exclaim. "I just don't know how to play..."
The chess players look apalled at the notion, and start explaining the rules of chess to you. Unfortunately for you, you cannot understand and never learn what the difference between a "mrghr" and a "hrbahhr" are. You are stuck in chess purgatory. Have fun nerd, that's what you get for cheating.
[END]*Oh, oh wow. That actually worked. I just thought the horse would look cooler next to that tower thing.* You think as you look on in disbelief at the fact that you have managed to win. The zombie in front of you looks *green* with envy (hehehe) as the other zombies congratulate you and hand you your arms and a trophy.
And look! Your brain is in the trophy cup!
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Brain"))
(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Body"))
[[Go back to main hallway ->High School Main]]
[[Go back to main square-> Main page]] No, Jake. That's rude. Now sit your ass down and play a game of chess.
[[Sit down for a game of chess]] You have all your body parts! Congratulations!!!
Except....now what? I mean you have a severed head that moans periodically, a body that keeps bumping into things, and a brain that looks half-rotten in a trophy...
Yea you can't merge with that.
"WHAT. I LOOKED ALL OVER TOWN FOR ALL OF THIS AND YOU ARE TELLING ME I CAN'T GO BACK TO BEING NORMAL?!"
You didn't really expect to be able to un-dead yourself right? That's preposterous. Seriously, that would be so fucked up.
"..."
[END]Max is delighted with his new toy and runs off into the sunset with it. Jax turns to you and delightedly exclaims,
"WHY THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL FRIEND. BUT AS YOU ARE NOT HUMAN, I CANNOT LET YOU WANDER THIS EARTH. PREAPRE TO MEET YOUR DOOM."
(if: $inv contains "Fabulous pom Pom")[
The horde of angry zombie cheerleaders have appearead because you stole their pom poms!
[[Throw pom pom at Jax]]
]
(if: $inv contains "High School Zombie Horde")[
Oh my god. The zombie horde of high school football stars has come after you. (You never really did get rid of them).
[[Let them get Jax]]
]
(if: $inv contains "Lion friends")
[Your lion friends have come to save you!
[[Let them eat Jax]]
}
"Look so I'm really not a danger to anyo-"
"YOU ARE NOT HUMAN, I CANNOT LET YOU WANDER THIS EARTH. PREAPRE TO MEET YOUR DOOM."
(if: $inv contains "Fabulous pom Pom")[
The horde of angry zombie cheerleaders have appearead because you stole their pom poms!
[[Throw pom pom at Jax]]
]
(if: $inv contains "High School Zombie Horde")[
Oh my god. The zombie horde of high school football stars has come after you. (You never really did get rid of them).
[[Let them get Jax]]
]
(if: $inv contains "Lion friends")
[Your lion friends have come to save you!
[[Let them eat Jax]]
}
The angry horde of cheerleaders tears the scary, big man apart. Way to take responsibility for you actions
[[ Main page]] The zombie horde tackles Jax to the ground. Well, guess that's the end of Jax.
[[ Main page]] Your lion friends protect you and eat Jax! Guess that Jax's reign of trying to save the world is over now!
[[ Main page]]